Sole or Joint Custody: What Custody Arrangement is Better for Kids?
Many child experts agree that joint custody is often the best arrangement for children whose parents are divorced. Children can see their parents equally on a predictable basis. Children’s insecurities over having the family torn apart are lessened when they see their parents are reliable, capable of taking care of them, and able to cooperate with each other. Also, joint custody avoids many of the side effects of sole custody. Parents who do not have sole custody experience a very real loss: The loss of seeing their children regularly. They may fear that weekend parenting time can never replace the ability to spend time with their children on a daily basis, sharing all the incidental triumphs or sorrows that children may not even remember the next day.
Joint custody
For joint physical custody to work requires a huge commitment from both parents. Under a joint physical custody arrangement, children divide their time equally between both parents’ homes. This arrangement works best when parents live in close proximity to one another so the children do not spend excessive amounts of time traveling from one home to the other. If the children are in school, they should live within the same school district to ensure continuity in the children’s schooling.
For joint legal custody to work, parents must be capable of cooperating on matters related to the children and communicating without fighting and hostility. Under a joint legal custody arrangement, parents share the responsibility for making major decisions regarding the children—like those involving medical care, religion, and education. This arrangement works best when parents have similar attitudes towards parenting and share a common understanding of what is best for their children, although they do not necessarily need to have similar parenting styles. Children are generally flexible and can adapt to a situation where, for example, mom is the disciplinarian and dad is a softie.
Changes that can affect joint custody
Even when joint custody is based on the best motivations and goes smoothly initially, people and situations change over time, and the arrangement may stop working. A parent may be offered a job opportunity that requires an out-of-state move. Another parent may remarry, leading to tension between ex-spouses. Stepchildren may complicate living arrangements. Sometimes, the constant interaction that joint custody requires of the parents encourages children to believe mom and dad will get back together, and can lead to disappointment.
Joint custody is not for every family. When parents are not capable of the kind of commitment described above, the children will inevitably suffer from the disruption as they make the transition to yet another new arrangement. With all the pressure on parents to enter into joint custody agreements, sole custody is gaining a reputation as being somehow bad or less desirable. Often, it proves the only practical solution for families of divorce. Regardless of terms or legal arrangements, what matters to the children is that they have access to both parents. Don’t let labels interfere with that goal.
Huettner Law is experienced at problem-solving a wide variety of Indiana family law matters
Legal Disclaimer: This article is not legal advice and is not a substitute for talking to a lawyer. If you have a specific question about the law and how it applies to your family, talk to a lawyer. Do not act or refrain from acting based on information contained in this article.
